Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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