she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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