her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
