I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It was confusing and full of hummus
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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