we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
