Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
