3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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