Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize