someone get that fucking seahorse.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
