Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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