i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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