You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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