May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
