this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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