I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
