i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I still have a little drunk in my system
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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