the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
