And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
