Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
