it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
