shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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