I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
