im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
