He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
