unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
