dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize