I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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