Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
