he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
