im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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