She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
