So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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