And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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