I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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