Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
