her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
