Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
