there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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