scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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