I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize