You're earring is so big in my mouth
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
