k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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