Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
