Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
