what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
