Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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