I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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