So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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