Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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