OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
