so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
