Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
