You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
