My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
smell my finger.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
