my mouth tastes like poor choices
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
