Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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