We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
