took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
