Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
