It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
