I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
