So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
