If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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