I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
