I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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