Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
