I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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