Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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